The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
