I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize