Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
