I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
