There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
