I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
