This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize