I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
