is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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