Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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