my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
