I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
