remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
