How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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