I wish I could teleport
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
