***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
