I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
