a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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