My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
