a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
