He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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