I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
