Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
FUCK WHALES
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
