He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
