She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
