so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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