I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
