you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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