he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
