i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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