I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
