I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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