she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
