We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
