please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm always down for nudity.
dude. I can hear the air.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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