dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
