A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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