I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
