In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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