I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize