Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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