I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
