Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he fucked my hip out of place.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
