Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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