I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
