What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
