im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
