Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
