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I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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