drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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