I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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