seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
