I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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