I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
