I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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