Im at strip club and am horny
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
