Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
