You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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