my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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