Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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