you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
