he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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