It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
