i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
