just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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