like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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