It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
