While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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