It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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