Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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