I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize