I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
