hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
