The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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