I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
