Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize